Stranger on a train

You know that person you can’t take anywhere cause they will talk to everyone? I feel like normally it’s a grandparent or a drunk friend. Anyway, I digress. The point I’m trying to make is that I am that person. I sat down today on the train headed to Miami and struck up a conversation with the person next to me. He was cute and sweet.

And I lied through my teeth!

I didn’t even realize it until it slipped out of my mouth. I bent the truth about the people in my life. Where I should have said “my husband,” I was saying “my friend.” I didn't even want to sleep with him (granted, that was before he stood up and towered over me). I just didn’t want the interaction to be shut down. I enjoyed talking to him. We vibe and had a lot of similar interests. I knew if I said I was off the market, the chances of him politely ending the conversation were high. I even went as far as to invite him to the museum I was going to.

I thrive off of human interaction. It can be female, male, or non-binary. But I have always found guys easiest to talk to. I grew up around my dad’s friends, talking cars, football, and all the other typical “male” hobbies. I pushed off being girly like the plague. I wasn’t good at it, and it never came naturally. I felt like an awkward giant playing dress-up every time I tried. It was easier to wear jeans and Harley Davidson T-shirts. That was my go-to wardrobe up until high school. Add all that up into a not-totally ugly succubus package, and you have a problem. I don’t intend to seduce, but if the option is there, I’m not going to turn it down.

I think it’s the way I feel feminine power. I don’t get the rush from shopping or getting dolled up (I apologize if that’s short-minded, but I genuinely have very little experience to base this on). If I’m being honest, I’m an eight on my best day, a six on my average day, and a four pre-caffeine. It’s not my looks that attract men, it opens the door, but that's about all. It’s that I can shoot the shit with them and still make them “feel things,” as I’ve been told. I look them in the eyes and actively listen. I’m easy to talk to and have no problem being raw and honest with a stranger. Which, for the most part, they reciprocate. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told,

“I’ve never told anyone that before”

Taking away that ability to connect with people because it could lead to something is suffocating. It’s not that I go out looking, but it’s difficult to walk away when the option arises. I don’t like to be denied a connection that can feed my soul. I guess that’s what makes me a succubus.

(originally written on Nov. 1, 2022)