Not the picture I wanted to wake up to

Let’s be honest a dick pic is rarely wanted. No offense but we aren’t as enamored with the thing as you gentlemen are. Honestly to say a gentleman would be an insult to true gentlemen. But let me just state for the record an unsolicited dick pic from a new number is the most annoying situation to wake up to. It was only made worse by the fact I in fact knew that dick. It was attached to the dude that blew up my life. The one I pinned after and mourned the loss of. I won’t lie part of me wanted him to come back into my life in some grand gesture begging for forgiveness and another chance. But nope I got a picture of his junk and a text saying he was thinking of me.

It was kinda like a cold bucket of water. This was the real guy. Not the fantasy I had concocted while waiting for his attention. He was always busy and living his actual life. So I only got fleeting moments and glances. Left to my own devices and imagination I clearly built this character that didn’t exist around the real person. He was sweet, charming, protective, romantic; and just broken enough that I thought I could fix him and in doing so we could find us. I can feel your eyes rolling. I know! I’m a cliche and I hate it too. I know I’m smarter than this. I know I deserve better. I find these men and it’s always about what I can do for them. What I can make them feel. How I can please them.

It’s been almost a year since he texted me. Nearly a year since he ghosted me and the first thing he sent is about you wanting pleasure. The worst part is I miss it. I miss all of it. The sweet, the rough, the infuriating. I miss feeling alive like that. I was mad and spoke my mind. I felt vindicated. I felt I had finally closed that door and that I had the strength to say enough. Oh how wrong I was.