A walk a day keeps the psychiatrist at bay.

I just got back from the morning walk with the pup and I’m gross. Drenched in sweat and the color of a damn tomato, but I feel better and I hate it. Cardio and I have never been friends. If given the option I will avoid it to the best of my ability. So getting a dog was a calculated form of productive self-torture. 

It’s the things that are good for us that are often difficult and uncomfortable at first. I get overheated, cranky, and bored. Not to mention both me and the little one are practically jogging back to the house for AC once all is said and done. However, I can see a consistent improvement in my health, activity level, and basic level of peace. As much as I avoid it once I get started I know I’ll be grateful to my past self. 

But that’s always been the way. Getting started on anything was always difficult for me. Now in my thirties and finally diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and dyslexia it’s making more sense. See my brother was diagnosed with ADD back when we were kids. But this was the 90s; doctors didn’t know crap about what was going on with the new generation of kids. He wasn’t considered “hyper” cause he wasn’t bouncing off the walls, we now know that’s not how it works. He was pumped full of Ritalin till the kid was practically falling asleep mid-bite at lunch. After that didn't have the desired effect he was given extra time on tests and had his hand held every step of the way. If you can’t tell it bred a little bit of resentment I’m still working on. It certainly pitted us against each other when we were younger at no fault of our own.  

I don’t think my parents have realized yet that even though I’ve been diagnosed in my 30s I’ve been struggling my whole life. Girls are better at mimicking behaviors, myself especially (trauma superpower), but this leads to a lot of ADHD and autism cases in women going undiagnosed. I struggled just as much as my brother, the letters and numbers on the page were all jumbled around, and dread filled me every time a new assignment was given. Many a college project was started and finished the night it was due. I'm proud of what I have been able to accomplish even while struggling. But it makes me wonder what I could have done if I had the tools from the start.

*Fun side story my dad realized how bad my dyslexia was one day when I didn't realise I was reading a Typoglycemia test. (Because anpareptly, this lokos normal to me.)